The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every relationship you will have. So, we must concede in an unhealthy relationship there are two sides and responsibility on each of those sides.
The fact is that with a narcissist, personality disorder or any other unhealthy mental state there must be someone that is co-dependent – what does this mean? This means that if you’re in an unhealthy relationship you first need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why? Why would anyone put up with anything other than respectful, loving behavior from your partner? Why don’t I have boundaries? As why three times and see what the third answer is – it will always be about you and likely be the truth.
In healing wounds and working on oneself a look in the mirror is necessary along with a healthy dose of the truth. Sometimes we stay longer than we should and go back more times than we like to admit. In this process we realize that we are growing and becoming better people obtaining the tools and knowledge to have a productive relationship in the future. The partners that don’t care will stay in the immature state and find another similar person.
The realization comes from continuing to try and make things better – the fact is that the only person than can be influenced is you. The relationship with yourself is power, that relationship is everything and all encompassing. If you have a loving, respectful relationship with the person in the mirror and you know your truth the unhealthy will fall away.
To recover and heal the wounds time is of the essence. It’s not time that heals all wounds but time and self-love. Counseling, being alone and learning who you are and realizing your truth is imperative to change the cycle. Avoidance or detachment from what is really the issue will only prolong the process or put one in a state to keep repeating the same relationships over and over.
Take a minute and write down what you want in a relationship. Then look in the mirror and become that person you described. Once this process is mastered you will attract who you are.
(Excerpt from Dr. Joe Dispenza.)
